


falling for you v.2

by littlesoul



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor might be a little soft, Drug Use, Evan Hansen Has a Crush on Connor Murphy, Evan swears, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, OOC, Panic Attacks, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Tags added as it goes on, Wiccan Connor, i'll add trigger warnings, lots of projecting, they avoid their problems
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 01:03:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16029779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlesoul/pseuds/littlesoul
Summary: In which Evan has a crush on Connor instead of Zoe and Connor keeps his mouth shut about finding out.Aka the falling for u reboot





	falling for you v.2

**Author's Note:**

> quick note;  
> expect another chapter next month, this was just a spur of the moment thing. i got excited and im actually happy with it! i really hope you guys like it, too. ^^
> 
> im not sure what you guys read this on? but i write on my phone so if the format is a little weird that's probably why.

This is okay. Everything is fine, and the fact that there is someone standing _right behind_ Evan really quietly is not a cause for concern. And then they coughed softly, maybe to gain his attention? “Evan Hansen, right?” Okay, yes they wanted something from him. Said person had a masculine voice, and made Evan freeze up. _Connor?_

 

“Uh-um, _yes,_ that's me, Evan Hansen.” He didn't want to look around, or see Connor's face. Which probably was weird, right? What person doesn't wanna see their crush?

 

He had a pretty good reason to though, it's not that easy to look at the guy who shoved you into lockers earlier that day. But it could also seem pretty rude to not look at the person when they're talking to you, right? So Evan did. He turned to look up at the long haired boy’s face.

 

As Evan turned, he shut his laptop, momentarily forgetting about the letter he had printed out only minutes ago.

 

“I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. That was uncalled for.” The boy's eyebrows were furrowed and his voice sounded strange, like he didn't really apologize all that often and wasn't quite used to how the words sounded in his voice. “Nono, it's okay. It-it was my fault. I de-deserved it.” Evan looked down to stare at the old uggs on his feet.

 

Connor only looked confused when Evan looked back at him. “What do you mean? I shoved you into the fucking lockers, there's a _bruise_ on your cheek?” Evan hadn't realized he'd even gotten hurt at all. He gently touched the spot and winced at the pain shooting from it. “I didn't even realize it was there.”

 

Evan heard a paper crumpling and looked at the brunet’s hand, closed around a piece of paper. Panic made Evan's chest tighten when he noticed his paper gone from the printer.

 

_What if he reads it? Oh god, oh fuck-_

 

“What happened to your um, how’d you break your arm?” Connor pointed at the very clearly empty cast on Evan's arm. “Oh, I um, I fell out of a tree.” His voice gradually getting quieter with every word. Connor laughed like he was saying _what_?

 

“You fell out of a tree? Well, that's just the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard, oh my god.” He quietly laughed along with Connor, cradling his left arm. “Yeah…” Connor immediately hushed at the quiet, pathetic sounding word. “Can I sign it?” It was almost as if Connor was trying to just fill the empty space.

 

At this point, they'd been talking for way too long for comfort. Evan awkwardly shifted his weight from foot to foot.

 

“No, you don't have to.” Connor persisted. “Do you have a sharpie?” Connor extended his empty hand. Wanting this to be over with, Evan scrambled to check his pocket. He got one from his mom this morning. Rushing, he jabbed it forward.

 

Immediately, Connor yanked Evan's arm toward him, making a small _ow_ slip out of Evan's lips _._ Something like concern appeared on the brunet’s face. “Sorry.” Connor eyes flickered over Evan's face, and he noticed how half of his right eye was brown. His eyes were _really pretty_ up close.

 

He wrote his name in tall, thin letters that took up the entire section on his cast. Underneath it, in smaller letters, Connor wrote what was presumably his phone number. It'd be pretty weird if he'd written someone else's number. Unless he's like, leaving a fake number. Would he?

 

“My number, if you ever find yourself falling out of a tree again.” He immediately assured, as if he could read Evan's mind. Evan smiled at the name on his cast. “Thank you. For apologizing and signing my cast and stuff.”

 

Connor raised a hand to place behind his head, and looked away. “It's nothing. Now we can both pretend we have a friend now.” It wasn't until Evan had noticed Connor looking down at the paper until he'd already spoke again. “Hey, is this your paper? It says Dear Evan Hansen?” An unreadable emotion flickered on Connor's face before disappearing into something more hollow and uncomfortable.

 

_He read it. Too late, now he knows everything. Your creepy crush on him, your weird almost-suicidal thoughts, and the fact that you write letters to yourself. Who does that?_

 

“Ye-yeah, it's ju-just some stupid assignment I ha-have to do.” Before he could say anything else, Connor pushed the letter into his hands, the blank expression still clear on his face.

 

“I didn't read it, don’t worry or anything.” _Liar._ His inner voice whispered, making Evan’s stomach turn uneasily. Even saying that sentence, he sounded off. But for now, Evan would just have to ignore it. Maybe he didn't see too much, knowing Connor, he would've made a bigger deal out of it if he'd seen the whole thing.

 

“O-okay.” Evan took the paper with a shaky hand and clutched it against his chest. Connor might not have seen the whole thing. But then again, he could have. Panicked thoughts filled Evan's mind and he couldn't focus. In a way of grounding himself to reality and clutched the hem of his shirt tightly in his fist.

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

_I should just give up on this crush. There's no way it can get worse than this._

 

That sentence right there made Connor confused and scared and mad because, _what the fuck does it mean?_ Currently he was in a world where an anxious, quiet, _nice_ kid named Evan Hansen possibly had a crush on _him_ , Connor Murphy. That was not good because, for one, he was _Connor fucking Murphy._

 

Fuck. He's been holding the paper for too long, staring at it for a suspicious amount of time. “I didn't read it, don't worry or anything.” Funny, telling a kid with anxiety not to worry. If he even did, judging by how Evan acted, it was pretty clear there was something else going on in there.

 

It's not like Connor couldn't keep a secret, and it's not like anything would actually happen between him and the blonde. Evan looked like he wanted to say something along the lines of _yeah, sure okay, I totally believe you one hundred percent._

 

In the midst of the silence, Evan's phone rang and he answered it almost instantly. “H-hello?” Connor probably shouldn't just be listening to this conversation, but he also was a nosy little bitch and decided to stick around anyways.

 

Even from this distance he could hear the loud, obnoxious voice that couldn't belong to anyone but Jared fucking Kleinman. “Hey, so I just left. You took too long, acorn.”

 

“Oh. Okay.” Evan mumbled into the phone. He opened his mouth like he was going to say something again, but was promptly cut off by Jared. “Tell your mom I was nice to you though, yeah? Car insurance needs to get paid somehow. See ya.”

 

Kleinman really tended to be a huge _bitch_ to everyone, Connor thought after listening to that shit-storm of a phone call.

 

“What was that?” Connor stared down at the shorter blonde and leaned against the desk the printer was on top of. “Oh-you heard that?” Connor could only nod. “Do you need a ride home?”

 

“No, it’s okay, I d-don't wanna bother or-or anything.” _Let me be nice to you, goddamnit._ “Seriously, it's not like you're gonna keep me from anything important.” Evan seemed to be letting up, and finally agreed to the ride home.

“Okay.”

 

~-~-~~~~-*★

 

Somehow, the drive with Connor wasn't completely terrifying. Other than his blatant disregard for the speed limit, and the copious amounts of energy drink cans and cigarette bottles, it really wasn't that bad. Evan tried his best to not make a face or say anything about the obvious scent of weed in the car and forced himself to just stare out the window the whole time.

 

“Oh, it's just this one over there.” Connor slowed down to a stop to let Evan out. “Tha-thank you fo-for the ride!”

 

“No problem, Hansen.” Evan could've sworn there was a small half-smile on the other boy's face, but when he looked back, it was gone. Evan shut the door before waving and scurrying off to his door. He noticed how Connor didn't drive away until Evan had made it to his porch.

 

When he opened the door, Evan was greeted by the silence in the empty house. It _was_ only 3:50, and his mom wouldn't even be home until 11 or 12 tonight. They only really crossed paths in the mornings when Heidi was getting ready for work.

 

Given that he'd just be alone _all night_ , Evan had plenty of time to just reflect on his day. Or more specifically, what happened in the computer lab barely 15 minutes ago. He walked into the kitchen with the intentions of grabbing a glass of water, but instead noticed the slip of paper below a 20 dollar bill.

 

 _I can't get home early tonight, buy dinner for yourself,_ **_please_ ** _!_

_You can order online now, too! Have a good night, honey. I love you!_

 

_Mom_

 

Evan filled a glass with water while silently promising to order something later. Even though he knew he'd probably forget.

 

With the water, he settled on the couch to actually try to read the scribbled numbers on his cast so he could put it in his contacts.

 

**(3:52pm) Hi! This is Evan.**

 

And he hit send, before busying himself with changing the contact name to _Connor._ Around 10 minutes passed

 

_(4:04pm) sup_

 

Thinking back on the computer lab, Evan remembered something Connor had said. It wasn't very clear to Evan, even if it probably should've been.

 

**(4:06pm) Also!! I have a question?**

**(4:07pm) in the computer lab you said something about pretending to be friends?**

**(4:07pm) and I was wondering if you would actually um**

**(4:08pm) want to be friends???**

**(4:10pm) actuallyits okay yuo dont have to sorry**

 

_(4:12pm) r u ok? i mean sure. but u realize who ur talking to right?_

_(4:13pm) im_ _pretty much the hardest person to be friends w_

 

**(4:16pm) That's okay! Um. I mean, why not try?**

 

_(4:17pm) if ur sure._

_(4:17pm) how bout we hangout tomorrow night?_

 

**(4:20pm) sounds good :)**

 

_(4:20pm) cool. i can drive u after school then._

 

Evan sent a small thumbs up emoji to confirm and flopped back down on the couch, excitement welling up in his chest. For once, he was making a friend. And it was Connor!

 

Then he remembered it was Connor and had a mini freakout about tomorrow's plans.

**Author's Note:**

> i said this would be out in october but i got really excited and wrote this chapter. a lot happened in my life!! i wont talk about it too much, we'd be here too long. let's just say some good happened and im a little less stressed about it. but updates WILL DEFINITELY be slow, still. 
> 
> thank you for being so patient and understanding with me, it helps a lot and you guys really do motivate me to try to recover. <3
> 
> also question
> 
> are there any objections to me making connor a wiccan witch?? i kind of want to but i won't if you don't like the concept. just an idea, because i practice wicca and it'd be interesting to try to write a character who does, too. and it just seems like something connor would start to study as a small act of rebellion against his Very Christian parents, but over time it just grows on him. 
> 
> but like i said, it doesn't have to be a thing if you don't like it. just comment your thoughts please? thank you!!


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